Episode S4E8: Finding Significance as We Age

In this podcast, Hal and his wife, Vicki, talk about the importance of FINDING

SIGNIFICANCE AS WE AGE

They address these four questions:
1. What happens when you’re no longer a big deal?
2. What happens when you’re no longer the king pin?
3. What happens when you’re no longer the big kahuna?
4. What happens if the world is not waiting with bated breath to know what I’m
doing or what I once did?
In our aging years, do I feel unimportant or even worse, am I even seen, am I just
invisible? How do we see our new significance in our new aging seasons of life?

Transcript

Dr Hal Habecker: 0:00

Music. Welcome to the finish and well podcast where we encourage seasoned believers to find meaningful ways to impact their world for the kingdom of God, whether you're 65 and up or not quite there. Yet, our mission is to prepare and encourage every person to finish well. Our prayer is that this podcast will encourage and strengthen you to glorify Christ as we intentionally engage our aging fears. Good morning. Finishing well. Podcast LAN My name is Hal habecker, and I'm here with another podcast on challenges that are ours as we age, a lot of things happen. I think they're all good, and today I'm really fortunate. This is Valentine's Day. We're recording this, and I'm here with my wife, Vicky. First of all, happy Valentine's sweetheart. Thank you, sweetheart. As you know, my wife is very passionate about a lot of things, and we've done several these podcasts, and look forward to more this year. And we want to talk this morning about finding significance as we age, where's our significance? What's it about? And I want my wife to lead off on this, and she's going to share her heart with us and things that God is teaching her and teaching us in our marriage, we can talk about that later on. But where you're at and what makes a difference in where you are in your life and what you're struggling with. So Vicki, let's launch into this finding significance as we age. Help us

Vicki Habecker: 1:51

well. First of all, the funniest thing that happened as I was driving over here a few minutes ago with the topic that we're going to talk about, I had the radio on, and it was some oldie Goldies. And there was a song years ago by the four preps. And the course of it said, I was a big man yesterday, but boy, you ought to see me now. I just thought that was funny in light of what we're going to talk about today, I want to start off with four questions. What happens when you're no longer a big deal? What happens when you're no longer the kingpin? What happens when you're no longer the what was the phrase they used to say, the big kahuna? What happens if the world is not waiting with bated breath to hear from you and hear what you're doing or what you once did. I think in our aging years, we have a tendency to feel unimportant, or, even worse, unseen, invisible. You talk about, what the graying of America? What do you mean by that?

Dr Hal Habecker: 3:05

Well, America is a graying world. Older people are getting older. Baby Boomers are moving up the line. You know, as we talk about, there are 54 million plus 65 people in another 4050, years, there'll be 95 one out of every four. So as our hair gets Gray, we talk about the graying of America. Graying people are becoming invisible. So that's the point of the grain of America.

Vicki Habecker: 3:34

Well, recently, I have been kind of confused, grieved, and, if I'm honest, sometimes a little irritated at older adults, and that includes me, like First Timothy says I'm the chief of all sinners, but I'm surprised at how seniors are boasting, how they're crying out. Does anybody know I'm still significant? Does the world understand who I am and what I've done? Well, let me tell you the answers to those whether you want to hear it or not, and especially how grief when Christians are saying that same thing as the unbelieving world, when in the world, did we lose our significance in Christ and Him alone. I'm afraid that we older adults find our identity and our self worth in what we used to do, and now that we're no longer doing that. You're no longer a lead pastor in a church, someone's no longer the president of a company, the sought after consultant for a corporation, an emeritus professor, it seems we need to broadcast how valuable we still are. Now I love to brag on my grandkids, my adult kids. But why do I. Often feel the need to brag on me as a senior adult. Am I worried that I will be forgotten for what I did, for my achievements? Now we know that scripture says boasting has some consequences, and it's usually a sign of pride, I think when we hear it, but it could also be a lack of confidence. I'm just wondering if aging diminishes our confidence. You know, it's hard to admit, oh, I can't do what I used to do. Maybe I can do it, but it's sure gonna take a lot longer. And if that is so, and it is, then we have failed what the taken longer part? Yeah, that is certainly true, but age diminishes our competence. Age

Dr Hal Habecker: 5:58

diminishes a lot things we're challenged with a whole new framework of the world that we live in. We're not what we used to be. I

Vicki Habecker: 6:09

think that's sad, that it's where we put our confidence. We put our confidence in our talents, our past accolades, our bank account, our education, retirement plans, and as I said, where we put our confidence not who we put our confidence in. And there's a big difference. Can

Dr Hal Habecker: 6:32

I give you just an illustration of that? I shared this with you on the Super Bowl. I saw an interview with Jalen Hurts, the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, who, by the way, is a Christian. And he said, you know, life is not about how good I am as a quarterback, how many wins I have, how many times we go to the Super Bowl and win. You know, my significance is who I am, not in how I perform. Yes, that is important. I want to perform well on the Super Bowl, but that's not my core significance in who I am, the Super Bowl won't change who I am, and that's a temptation.

Vicki Habecker: 7:07

That's amazing. But I don't hear a lot of older adults being that bold. Will Rogers once said, get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far. Proverbs, 27 two says the same thing, I think will stole it from the Bible. Let Proverbs, 27 two says, Let other people praise you, even strangers never do it yourself. And another scripture is, I've been struggling with this and looking through the word, it gave me pause, not just older adults, all of us, but the Bible warns us about pride. What is it saying? Proverbs, 1618, Pride goes before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction. May hear some amens coming across the airways with this one, because if you hadn't been there yet, you will where you experience a devastation or a collapse or a disappointment after you thought, like I said, you were the big you were the answer to the world's problems. It's a hard way to learn humility. I I have to ask myself, Am I being overtly boastful, or am I doing it with false humility? And you know, false humility, how I think, is just as disgusting to Jesus as blatant. And I see it mainly on social media. Now I still look at Facebook. I don't understand Instagram or Tik Tok or any of those others, but I know how to scroll through Facebook, and I love to see what our friends and their families are doing. But I think it's interesting that the older people have a tendency to boast more than the younger people. We tell the social media how how important we are, like that song, I was a big man yesterday, but we don't want the world to see how we are today. So I'm going to show you my new vehicle. I'm going to tell you how wealthy we are, what kind of vacations we talk we took, or even who we know. I'm going to show you famous people that we know. So So I think because we're no longer king of the mountain, we're just gonna build a new mountain. We're gonna plop ourselves right on the top of it, because nobody can do it like I did it. Why is it so hard to admit that somebody is doing a better job than we used to do? I. You know, retiring brings new experiences. Some of them are good, some of them are bad, but they're always different. They always force us to change, and change always gives us a chance to re evaluate where we've been and where God wants to take us next.

Dr Hal Habecker: 10:23

So you're saying that change is good in that respect. No,

Vicki Habecker: 10:25

I'm not. I hate change. You know, I hate change. Thank goodness we were laughing at this. We love to get Christmas cards, and we save them for about a month or six weeks, and then we go through them, and we smile at the pictures and and, but we were laughing. We only got two Christmas letters this year. Do y'all remember the Christmas letters, those two page epistles where all is right with the world and all was perfect in their family? It would be so refreshing if somebody wrote about reality, oh, our car is getting old. Our grandkids didn't make straight A's, our family's in financial trouble. And if someone I think, how, if someone really did tell the truth about some of the negatives or the reality of their life, would readers think, well, gee, God must be disciplining them. They didn't do something, right? Well, hogwash. And even the beautiful Christmas cards I just we just have to laugh that we received. Most of them have everybody dressed alike standing on a white sand beach with turquoise water in the background, or uh, taking a one cruise down the Danube now I'm fixing to take a one trip to the grocery store and get us a nice bottle for tonight to go with the frozen pizza that I'm probably gonna buy. So guess what we're having for dinner? Back I love it, dude. But Wouldn't you love to see occasionally see pictures of those beautiful, growing families, but with a toddler and a dirty shirt, and moms without perfect bodies in there no makeup, and dads without a six pack, and I don't mean beer, I mean abs, grandparents looking like they'd rather be at home watching an old movie. Do you remember the Easter picture four years ago that we took? Tried to get a family picture? I do. Our grandson was in a pull up, standing on one of our nice dining room chairs, and he had a crescent roll in each hand. We emailed it to a few close friends, and they loved it because it was real. So why are we so hesitant to be real? Who are we trying to impress? Family members, friends? I think we're trying to impress ourselves a lot of the time. And like I said a minute ago, we boast about who we know. Does knowing somebody important make me more important? I can at least hang out with somebody a big, big Hoonah if I'm not now, I only have one well known friend. It's not Taylor Swift, it's not George Strait, although I would love you know he could make me he could make me turn away. Not sweet Luca Don check anymore, because he's gone and that, bless his heart. Not a movie star, a politician, it's Jesus Christ is the one famous person I know, but I admit I don't talk about him as much as I should. I'm not ashamed of him, but I often think the world needs to hear what I'm doing rather than what he is doing in me. And that how just arrogance, plain and simple. That's arrogance. It's sin. That's

Dr Hal Habecker: 14:00

another thing we can talk about later on. Why do we hesitate to talk about what God is doing in our lives, helping us when we're weak, helping us overcome failures, helping us overcome lack of confidence. You're right. I don't think we talk about that enough, what the Spirit of God is doing in our lives at this season of life.

Vicki Habecker: 14:21

Just last week, I confessed to myself and to you and to a few other people that a younger gal at our church is a much better Bible teacher than I was, and I had what I called a momentary Ouch. It stung for a few minutes when I realized it, but it was true, but for a moment I said, Ooh, somebody's doing something better than I used to do. Is it hard to praise asking this to our listening audience, is it hard to praise your successor? Or. For his or her success, is there an element of maybe even jealousy that someone's doing a better job or a different job, and maybe didn't even consult you? Do you think it diminishes your value, your past, your future, for somebody else to be doing something better than you did, I guarantee you'll have that momentary ouch when you do it. I'm hesitant in wanting to show that I'm significant. I'm hesitant to say that I love to buy some of my clothes at Target instead of Lulu Lemon or viori. I don't even know if I'm saying those names right. I went walking around North Park Mall. To our listeners, it's a very prestigious mall in Dallas. I didn't know the name of half of the stores there because it's about labels. I mean watching these award shows, and they have the red carpet and they always ask, Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing, what is the label? Why is it so darn important? I think that may be true more with the younger generation than with us older generations. But you know, we go back to the one label we should be proud of, is that we are. We're Children of The Lord of the universe. He chose us before the foundation of the world. Appearances, appearances. It carries a control over us, I think, how we feel about our selves, not wanting the outside world to know that I don't have it together all the time. I use the classic example, if I had to run up to Central Market dressed in my sweats, no makeup on my hair, going 10 directions, I guarantee I would see my entire high school graduating class on that trip. You think so you can't put on sunglasses, in a ball cap and hide up and down the aisles. But if I go to Central Market looking cute? I've got it all together. I'm not gonna say anybody. I know. It's just funny, those humbling experiences. And you know, even most of the TV shows are about appearance or competition or comparison, competition. Who's going to survive in the Antarctica the longest, who's going to get the final rose? And how you often talk about how youth is, it's an idol, and it reverberates through everything in the media, a classic example, and tell a lot of real life stories and listeners. You and I despise those Progressive Insurance commercials that make fun of older people, that make fun of parents, stop being your parents. Well, what's wrong with embracing old aid? What's wrong with engaging others and talking to strangers? Now, occasionally I've given some unsolicited advice to strangers, but it's just another example, honey, of how society, in the media is demeaning to us, older adults putting us down. And if we listen and take in that message, we're finding significance in the wrong places, but

Dr Hal Habecker: 18:44

we are but we get into why is that? Keep going, and then let's talk, interact about these subjects.

Vicki Habecker: 18:52

Well, we know that Satan, we know that the enemy works to derail us. He knows all of us from birth. He sees the woundedness that we've experienced, and even though maybe we've moved on past some former hurts, I'm afraid we often see things through that filter, and I think that's harder as we age, especially when we feel rejection or when we question our significance. I think some of those painful feeling from way back when leaked through and it feeds, maybe that's part of what feeds our need to boast or brag or whine. I hear a lot of older adults whining,

Dr Hal Habecker: 19:44

whining in what sense I mean? What do you mean,

Vicki Habecker: 19:47

not being disappointed that they're not the kingpin, the big kahuna, the big deal, or

Dr Hal Habecker: 19:55

whining in the sense that things aren't the way they used to be, and we felt more comfortable then.

Vicki Habecker: 20:01

You know, we put everything into our identity, and when that job ended, when your occupation ended, when being a teacher, a parent, a grandparent, an accomplished musician, an accomplished athlete, being a sought after speaker, when that's no longer a regular in our lives, there is loss, and I think we grieve a lot over loss, especially as we age. We're losing friends. Many are losing their independence, and it's that loss, of like you said, how things used

Dr Hal Habecker: 20:39

to be, but I think that's one of the invitations that finishing well Ministries is focused on what is the valuable aspect of aging? What do these changes invite us to continue to develop and do? How do they invite us to think differently, rather than thinking in the past and whining about how things are different or whatever. Why don't we accept that as say, Hey, God has a new season in which you need to develop more Christ like characters or whatever. I

Vicki Habecker: 21:13

don't think we and I should be saying, I, I, I concentrate more on outward performance than I do on inward change at this season of my life. And that's wrong. I ask myself Do, and we should all do this. Do we have a tendency to whine or pout? And if so, you know what? Nobody wants to be around you. Let's just face it, I don't want to be around a whiner or somebody that's just always down and disappointed. Doesn't the world remember how great I was and how great I still am? Is it a tendency to boast, or is it a need to boast. Is it just a habit, or is it something that I really need to make me feel significant and to those people too? If that's true, nobody wants to be renew, and we're supposed to be drawing people. They're supposed to be seeing the fullness of Christ in me, but we've got a lot of ways that we're driving people away.

Dr Hal Habecker: 22:26

So you had a good conversation with a friend on these issues the other day. Tell me about that.

Vicki Habecker: 22:30

Well, let me, let me just say this too, and then I'll tell you about Roseanne. If you no longer have a job title, get over it. What do we used to say? Suck it up buttercup. Ask yourself, Who are you trying to impress? Is it others or yourself? And why are you doing it? And is it so you won't be for Are you afraid that will be forgotten or ignored? So many of you may know the name Dr Roseanne Elling, she's a wise counselor, and she's a godly friend of ours for decades. This what she said when I asked her insight into these issues. She and I talked on the phone for about 45 minutes, but she said something. I said, May I quote you? She said, rich people don't have to say they're rich. Smart people don't have to say they're smart. Happy people don't have to brag about how happy they are. If your life is great, you certainly don't need to talk about it, because people will see it in you. Some a big question, do people see Jesus in me? Everybody knows Romans 828, but verse 29 ask me, am I being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ, and as I age, as I get older, do I look more like him or less like him?

Dr Hal Habecker: 24:04

Those are good questions, you know, I think that's again, those questions are what everybody should be asking themselves at any age in life, you know, especially as we age, what is Jesus doing through my circumstances and my changes in life to conform me to his image more and more. And I don't think we ask ourselves that question up, because our cues are coming from the world system.

Vicki Habecker: 24:36

What is we should all ask ourselves about what is, what is the new thing in our life, and if it's from God, then it's going to be a blessing to yourself, to others, to your family. John Wooden, the basketball coach. Where was he? Coach? UCLA. UCLA. He had a great quote. He said she. Shut the door on yesterday. Isaiah 4318 and 19 tells us that God is doing a new thing. And so that verse says, Don't call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past. Sure we remember those things, and Lord willing, we grew from them, but we don't need to dwell on them. The other verse I love is Philippians three. I think it's 13 and 14. Forget what's in the past and look ahead. You don't drive always looking in the rearview mirror.

Dr Hal Habecker: 25:43

You know? I think those are critical concepts. I love to preach and teach on Philippians three, Paul writing from jail. Not a good circumstance. Yeah, I wish I weren't here. How can I go back to the good old days? No, he's asking, what is God teaching me now in this jail cell? And what am I anticipating for looking forward to when I get out of this place? You know, forget the past. I want to press on. I want to lay hold of that for which Christ, Jesus laid hold of my life. So what is he doing now? And what is he doing through this next season, through my 70s, through my 80s, through the rest of my life? You know, we had a friend who died last year. She was 103 and you know, she was discipling women in her home the week she went to be with the Lord. I mean, she was looking at the rest of her life, what am I going to do this week? What am I going to do next week? At her age, making a difference for Christ. That's Philippians three. It really is.

Vicki Habecker: 26:52

And she found her significance in that still being in the hands and feet of Jesus and and taking younger women on a trip of learning more about him, but she didn't boast about it. She didn't brag about it. She didn't, of course, she's not on any kind of social was not on any kind of social media. But even when we were together, it wasn't Guess what I'm doing. It was just, it was just, she was just serving Jesus. So I think when this podcast is over, I hope that all of our listeners will ask yourselves some hard questions, where do you truly find your significance, and have you left that time of life being thankful for it. But have you left that time of your life when what you did made you significant? I remember that podcast I did with you on finding significance a couple years ago. I said, I'm afraid that we are often human doings instead of human beings, because we take so much credit for all the good things we have done, it reminds me of Mary and Martha. When Jesus came to visit, Mary was sitting at his feet. She was being with Jesus. Martha was in the kitchen, like most of us women would be, she was doing. And there's a big difference than in being a human being and a human doing. But let me,

Dr Hal Habecker: 28:36

let's explore that where our significance is in Christ. So how do we remind ourselves of who we are in Him? How does that happen? How does it happen to you? How does it happen to

Vicki Habecker: 28:54

me? I don't know. Of course, being in His Word, studying his Word, reminding myself of who I am, turning off the noise that society is throwing at us, older people, reminding us that we're insignificant, that we're past our Prime, getting rid of some of those messages that social media or media period? Media period? Yeah, when was the last time you saw and every once a while, when you do see a commercial or something with a family, from Little ones to great grandparents, we all go, Oh, that was great, because you don't see those most of the time. I want us to ask ourselves, does our bragging drive people away? Does my whining drive people away? I. Yeah, but like, your question, am I sometimes hesitant that if I talked more about Jesus, that would drive people away and go, Oh, she's just, you know, a bible thumper, and that was they used to call us. They could do, do I think that the world is just breathless waiting to hear what I'm doing next? Well, no, the rest of the world's got they've got their own issues to deal with. So why are we pouring our accolades? Why are we reminding our friends, our family, how great we are outside of Jesus Christ. Well,

Dr Hal Habecker: 30:44

I think what you just said is the important thing. How do we talk about life through the lens of what God is doing in us? What are we about? What do we struggle with? How do we grow? How do we repent of things that were wrong or we have the arm fastest and the wrong syllable in life. I mean, I think that's what God wants to do in us. And one of the convictions I have is that, you know, the more time I spend in God's Word, the more I understand who, who he is in me and how he wants me to live. I mean, you would say how he wants me to think, and how that thinking process translates into actions. And what I'm about, you know, for us personally, you know, just a comment about our ministry. You know, when we left the church that we were, that I pastored, we were in for 25 years. You know, what do we do next and where's our significance did, but we felt God led us to start finishing, well, ministries, that's a whole new world out there. So we're discovering what God wants to do through our lives. As we think about how the changes in life happen, you move from this to that, to that, to that, and you move up the AIDS ladder, but you're asking the same question every time, what does God want to do through my life at this season? How do I talk? How do I think?

Vicki Habecker: 32:07

I think another way is we need some accountability with friends or with family, and if some someone that we trust and we know they have they want us to be looking more like Jesus. But do we have a friend or two that we would welcome a little momentary ouch from them? They say, Vicky. You're thinking wrong about this. You're You're talking too much about accomplishments, but just having some kind of accountability. I think of Jeremiah 923, and 24 this is one that when, when all this first started rumbling around in my mind, and like I said at the beginning, it it grieved me, but also irritated me, and it confused me why I'm seeing this tendency in older adult to boast so Jeremiah nine, let not a wise man boast of his wisdom. Let not the mighty man boast of his might. Let not a rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boast boast of this. And here we go that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who exercises loving kindness, justice and righteousness on Earth, For I delight in these things.

Dr Hal Habecker: 33:47

Those are great verses. Let me comment on us personally on this. Now, be careful. No, this is true for us in our marriage. I mean, it's true for you and your marriage, some of you, I mean, how many anniversaries you celebrate your spouse may be in heaven and you're by yourself, but as we age, we're all going through New Seasons in life, in our marriage, so we're doing this on Valentine's Day. So one of our commitments to each other is that we will continue to grow in this new season of life, as we look at our kids and our grandkids, I mean, they're all at different places than we are. Our kids don't rear their kids the same way we reared them, and that's I mean, they're trusting God in their lives. But we need to adjust to a new season, how we encourage them, how we bless their lives, how we even face ourselves, and what we do with our time, what we how we develop a greater love for each other and a greater love for Jesus together, and how we do stuff. I mean, I think it's a great invitation on this Valentine's Day to ask. What's our significance in our marriage, and how are we growing now? How are we growing in relationships to our kids, our grandkids, our friends? You're right. We need accountability in life, and we each need people who are going to agitate us to grow more, to see our significance in Christ and what we're doing. So I think it makes a difference for us on this Valentine's Day to talk, you know, to think about how we apply this in our own marriage and our own families, etc, etc.

Vicki Habecker: 35:30

I totally agree, but I think we also need to be careful about speaking what we believe to be a better way with our adult kids, with our grandkids. I love the Elizabeth Elliot quote when she said, never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. And what's the Ephesians passage, you know, let no one wholesome word proceed from my mouth except what is good for criticism and, oh no, I think it says for edification according to the need of the moment. That's the one that gets me, and I think that's the one we need to be careful about, honey. Is I might feel well right now is the perfect time for me to express my opinion. Well, maybe not according to the need of the moment. So I agree with everything you said, but I think especially talking to maybe if we were trying to exhort and we are to exhort one another, Scripture says we are. But when do we do that? When do we sense the Holy Spirit saying, this might be the time to keep your mouth shut. Or he might say, go for it. Girl this, they're whoever you're fixing to share with. I think they're open to hear this.

Dr Hal Habecker: 36:51

But on the in addition to that, I want to say the thing we should be talking about most every day with our friends is, what is Jesus doing in us. So how do we share that, not only with our grown kids, our grandkids, but our friends when we meet? Are we sharing what God is doing in our lives now and how he's reshaping us to think differently at this aging season of our life than we did before?

Vicki Habecker: 37:17

And that's what this podcast is about. This is what God is doing in my life right now, asking me, has as you're getting older, Vicky, has your significance changed? And how are you trying to come to grips with that, that you are no longer you no longer have a title, you no longer are Queen of the mountain.

Dr Hal Habecker: 37:46

You're awesome. You're queen of my mountain. Oh, dear. Anyways, this has been fun. I enjoy. In fact, we all ought to enjoy growing together. And this has been, this is a growing season in our lives, and we wanted to just share that with you all today, and we hope that it's an encouragement to you to keep wrestling with Why are you significant? Where is your significance? Is it in Christ, and how is that making a difference in your marriage, in your own life, in your own mindset, as you go through this world and continue to grow in Christ.

Vicki Habecker: 38:22

And like I said about that song I heard as I was on the way up here, I was a big man yesterday, but boy, you ought to sing me now. Well, as Christians, we ought to be saying I was big man yesterday, but boy, you ought to see me now and thinking about it, positive thing about how we're growing because the finish line is getting closer. Sweetheart, great

Dr Hal Habecker: 38:44

way to close. Thanks, sweetheart for this time together. I hope it's been encouraging and challenging for you. Drop us a note pal at finishing well ministries, if you've got an idea, pray for finishing well Ministries as we continue to encourage us as we age, to find our significance in Christ in every way, and let that be the impact. Let him be the impact through our lives in this world, may God bless you and encourage you this day, Happy Valentine's Day, and happy every day as we trust God with our lives. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this finishing well podcast. We hope you were encouraged by today's conversation and living out your God given purpose. Subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcast, or you can find us at finishing well ministries.org, forward slash podcast, if you have a question, a comment or a suggestion or an idea, send a note to me how finishingwellministries.org check out our website and our vision to change the way we think about our aging season of life. Go to finishing well ministry. Dot org and visit our website. We'll see you next time, and may the Lord be blessed and encourage you.